A change is coming
Where will I land in this storm
I pray for myself

My boss just called and let me know that I will have to reapply for my job. I am struggling between terror at losing my job and a small bit of anxiety that all will be okay, that I am good at what I do and I will remain in my position.

Last week there was talk that I may have a title change and a pay raise, and now this. I don’t know what to think. Why do companies always do these things during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays? There has been changes all over the structure of my place of employment all year and then months of everyone standing still and waiting for the other shoe to drop and now at this time of the year, the ones that be decide to jump.

I have so many emotions. I am so mad that this would even come up. I am terrified I will lose my job with this company. I am anxious I will be forced to go into another position. It will be a change no matter what happens. I will turn 50 this year, I thought I was through with big changes. I was set to just go to work and come home and go to work again until I retired. No big surprises like this.

It could turn out okay, it could turn out for the good, it could turn out completely screwed.

Emotions are sad and hurt this evening.

I may have to start really coloring outside the lines 😦


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